When we had Sloan, we did not encounter much resistance from Rowan. He had adjusted to his role as a big brother almost immediately and it was clear their bond would be unshakable. Sloan was Rowan’s other half. They idolized each other. Every morning, Rowan would follow me in to get Sloan up, a huge [...]
When I found out I was pregnant with Phoenix, I panicked. She was a surprise, and so soon after the death of her brother, she was a risk. For the first several months of my pregnancy, I was terrified of the trigger I knew a new baby would be , not just after loss, but [...]
Purpose. When Sloan died, one of the first things I could form into a sentence and actually say the next day, was "He didn't even get to be anyone." I had hardly slept. I had laid in bed all night staring at the ceiling thinking about how unfinished his life was. I was in shock, [...]
October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It's been 15 months since my baby died. 15 months since the last time I held him as a body, and not as ashes in a bag. It's been 15 months since the worst day of my life. When I need to feel my child, I cannot [...]
September is Infant Safety Month! When we found out I was pregnant with Phoenix, next to our shock and awe, was fear. Because of Sloan's death, we were (and still are) very aware of the dangers possible. I had an immediate and inherent desire to provide both an environment that focused on safety, but also [...]
For much of my life I have battled anxiety. I was devastatingly shy, mortified of being noticed. I can remember vividly having panic attacks as a child. Laying in my bed at night with my heart racing, crying as I stared at the ceiling and thought about getting through another day. I didn't want to [...]
Recently I've detached myself from some toxic relationships in my life. I had begun to realize these were people who did not serve to bring out the best sides of me, and instead induced a subconscious battle with mental health. I was allowing myself to get too enthralled in the battles and inner conflicts of [...]
