I grew up hearing James Taylor songs on my parents stereo, and I’d always latched on to one song in particular, “Fire and Rain”. It has its own meanings for its author, but for me it signifies both the depths of struggle, and the beauty of happiness. Our story is fire and rain. A Phoenix [...]
A Double Rainbow
Three years ago yesterday we announced we were expecting Sloan. A year ago at this time I was 8 months pregnant with our rainbow babe Phoenix. Today, we are announcing another little rainbow miracle. Sweet baby James (middle name, boy or girl) joining us this winter!
Letters From Strangers
I spent my morning looking through the stacks of cards and letters sent to us when Sloan died. There are hundreds. I read through as many as I could handle, taking in once again, just how deeply my son’s life and loss affected so many. Most of these I haven’t set my eyes on since [...]
It Doesn’t Get Better, Only Less Hard
I slept pretty fitfully last night, and only for a brief few hours. My mind was racing with thoughts of him, and aching for another family, knowing in my bones exactly the agony they are experiencing right now. I want so badly to turn off their pain and to be able to tell them it [...]
Toxic Positivty
Here’s a truth for you. I am self conscious of my weight. I have been all my life, but more so now than ever before. Now, before you comment and try to placate or assuage, read further. If someone tells you they are uncomfortable in their current body. Don’t say “Well I think you’re beautiful” [...]
Another Wave
On Tuesday I decided I had the courage to call the medical examiners office and ask for Sloan’s file. Last time I asked was when they told us the official cause of death “SUIDS” three months after Sloan died. Once the form had come in the mail for me to fill out and send back [...]
How to Save a Life
I remember what trying to save a life looked like. It’s still so vivid, like when you wake from a dream and you’re so certain it was reality. Only, it’s been over a year and a half and still I wake so certain my reality is a dream. I remember the pallor of his face [...]
