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Category: Grief & Loss

Anxious

Other than our grief therapy appointment, our two and a half days in Leavenworth was the first time I’d set foot in public in a month. I have avoided the grocery store, restaurants, parks, anywhere people would bring their babies. … Continue Reading Anxious

What is New

Moving into our new home has been a bittersweet experience. While unpacking, decorating and settling has been somewhat cathartic, its also been difficult not to think “I’d rather have him than all this.” It’s rough road and each new day … Continue Reading What is New

A Day in the Life

A day in the life of a newly bereaved parent: -Waking up each morning ready to go get your baby out of the crib, and remembering your baby is gone. -Scrolling through Facebook having to “unfollow” friends with babies (or … Continue Reading A Day in the Life

What it is to Burn

Sloan’s cremation is scheduled for tomorrow. Thinking about what that means, what that process is, the fact that his body will no longer be on this earth in the form we held, hugged, and kissed-is like reliving his death all … Continue Reading What it is to Burn

Sloan

The meaning behind Sloan’s name: We chose Sloan for a baby before him, who we lost at 8 weeks gestation. … Continue Reading Sloan

Judge Not

When I shared Sloan’s story it was simply to raise awareness and set some speculation straight. I wanted to spare others this pain by letting them know about crib safety. I understood that my sharing could be misconstrued, but the … Continue Reading Judge Not

Day 3

My grief is handled in words. I was the one who found Sloan. I went in to get him from his crib at 9:48am, opened the door and noticed he was on his stomach. I touched his back and felt … Continue Reading Day 3

Dragonflies

He chose dragonflies. I sit in the yard at my parents house for hours. I feel Sloan in the breeze, I think of him as I watch the leaves rustle and shimmer. Yesterday, as I sat there, a small red … Continue Reading Dragonflies

It’s Not Home

We will not be returning to our home. We packed some bags Monday night, grabbed our dogs, and went to my parents down the road. Our hearts cannot bear to pass his room each day, knowing what happened inside it. … Continue Reading It’s Not Home

Night

Night number two without him. For only the second time since his birth, I did not get to kiss my baby goodnight and lay him down. I did not get to sing him the teddy song he so loved. I … Continue Reading Night