Last night as I was tucking Rowan in to bed he started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me “I miss our old house, I liked it better.” I was kind of taken aback, because we’ve lived in this house for nearly 3 years now. It’s bigger, nicer, in a beautiful [...]
For two weeks now I have been trying to move past the response I got when I posted that short video of Sloan from less than two days before he passed. Being told by so many that it was “too difficult” for them to watch, that it made them “too sad” was so damaging for [...]
People think they know how they’d react, what they’d do. You don’t. Grief is experienced differently by everyone. It is managed differently by everyone. I did the dishes when my son died. After we’d held his lifeless body for hours, crying the tears of devastation onto his still face, they gently took him from my [...]
Did you know I have to have a filter set up on my Instagram to keep certain hurtful words and comments from my viewing? That a friend has my login info so that she may sort through my DMs to hopefully keep me from seeing the more negative ones? And still sometimes, I stumble upon [...]
I wish I had taken more photos. Documented his milestones, saved all the measurements and savored each new moment. I wish I had kissed the top of his head more, touched my lips to his hair and breathed in his scent. I wish I’d memorized the feeling of his warm hands in mine, his pulse [...]
To the Mother Pregnant After Child Loss I too, have carried the weight of pregnancy and motherhood after the loss of one of my children. My own rainbow was placed in my arms, only 11 months after her brother’s life had been taken from us as he slept. She came barreling into our world after [...]
There are days I don’t dwell on his death. Entire days where I manage for it not to pull me under even once. And then there are days like today, his birthday. When I’ve cried quietly, but with all of my soul, for hours. Where I am consumed in my grief and longing for him [...]
