Today has been exhausting. You don’t listen, you cry when you don’t get your way, make yourself throw up instead of napping, incessantly get into things no matter the amount of baby proofing or how out of reach the item is. You fight me on every single thing, you think you are the boss.
I was at my wits end today. I reprimanded you, told you no until I thought my throat would hurt and my eyes were burning with the tears I was holding back. I could have screamed, I could have cried. I could have shut myself up in a room just to have five minutes away from your wildness.
Instead I laid you on my chest as you threw another tantrum. Let you sort it out as you listened to my heartbeat. Until you’d scooted yourself down and nestled up against the softness of the tummy you dwelled in 14 months ago, humming yourself to sleep. As I put you in your crib and sat down beside it, I watched the rise and fall of your back, and I breathed in deep with you.
On these days, when all I want to do is hide away from your strong will and persistence, I have to remind myself of something so important. You are tiring. You are loud. You’re demanding, wild, aggressive, and sometimes just plain rotten. But you are also good, affectionate, independent, fierce, and beautiful. And most of all, you are here. You are here and your only job is to be you, in all your “too muchness”, and my job is to love you, because of it.