On the Surface of Five

It’s been rough lately. (I feel like I’m saying that a lot and it’s beginning to lose meaning) Rowan has been having a bit of a round with his grief and it’s thrown all of us. He is feeling the immensity of his loss now, maybe because Phoenix triggers memories or reminds him of the bond he shared with Sloan. Maybe it’s because he’s older now and his feelings are deeper, his understanding of the gravity of our trauma is likely greater now. Maybe it’s because he’s 5, and it’s a phase. Maybe it’s all of these things. It’s hard to know.

We are working through it, finding ways to help him cope in the moments when he loses control, making sure he is supported in his manner of expressing himself while still instilling the need to be sure it’s within reason. Tantrums, screaming fits, sobbing, anger, embarrassment. It’s a battle, one we knew would come, but a battle just the same.

This age is tough in general, they’re still learning how to communicate and they’re full of all these emotions, reactions and confusion. They’re figuring out how to be without knowing how to balance yet. Add trauma to that and it’s quite a whirlwind. I’d be lying if I said there aren’t moments I want to shut a door and cry myself while he’s having a fit. But that wouldn’t serve either of us in those instances, so, we work through it.

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