Casting A Stone
Since my son’s death, I’ve encountered both support, and judgement. One comment in particular has always stuck out to me: That I’m a terrible person, and everything I do is for publicity. I think it angers me still, because I’ve worked so hard to have the strength to share my grief with others, to allow myself to be vulnerable, because it may help someone else.
I share the worst and best parts of my life so that others who are struggling don’t feel so alone. So they know it’s okay to talk about their losses, their mental health, their healing, and their triumphs along that journey. The bereaved spend so much time being shushed and made to feel like we cannot share because it’s too sad, too uncomfortable, too inappropriate. We are quieted by people like that woman, who say we share for publicity.
I also share so that those who are not grieving, who are not bereaved, can have a better understanding of what our daily life is like after loss. In doing so, I have always had this hope that there would be more acceptance of talk of grief, more respect of loss, more grace with those hurting, and more support for those in the depths of it.
I am a person who is an open book. I do not hide. I don’t sugar coat. I’m no bullshit. I say what I think, I share how I feel, I step up when others don’t. On so many levels, my openness and vulnerability has done what I’ve hoped it would. My personality has allowed me to be a voice in so many aspects of my life. But these aspects of who I am have also set me up for harsh criticism from people like those women the other day. I don’t expect everyone to like me. I’m not doing it right if everyone does. There is always going to be opposition to strong personalities. There will always be people who are too uncomfortable in their own struggles to allow someone else to share theirs.
Deflection is usually pretty obvious. You can say what you want about me, about my choices, about my voice. But the mirror you’re looking into is still only going to show your reflection. Do some introspective work, find out why it bothers you so much that I’m so comfortable in being exactly who I am. Ask yourself why it’s really so uncomfortable for you that I share my struggles.
And then, do better.
I am so sorry this happened. Your last paragraph was exactly what I was thinking. For someone to think such hateful things about another person (with or without loss) is a reflection of their own self-worth. It is rare to see a woman who is comfortable in who she is. Keep on being you, you are incredible. 💜💜
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I hate, hate, hate that you and your family had to experience any of the loss. But, last night your story helped me. I have 6 kids from 20-16 months. CJ, the 16month old loves this throw blanket he got for Christmas and generally only gets to use it in the couch. Last night he drug it into our bed and fell asleep all cuddly. My husband was picking him up to put him in his crib and grabbed the blanket. For a split second I thought “maybe he will sleep better” then sat straight up and yelled “no”, in that moment all I could think about was, what if, he got tangled and I wouldn’t know and your family came to mind.
So, I thank you for sharing your story because it is always in the back of my mind. I am always thinking about your family. I thank you for being an open book. And I want you to know that so many of us mother’s grieve for you as well.
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Thank you for your honesty. You have helped me be more understanding and more open. I have learned a lot about how to support someone who is grieving. For that I thank you.
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I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry people are saying such negative things about you and what you discuss I find you’re vulnerability extremely inspiring. I can only imagine how difficult it is to discuss the situation but you do clearly to spread awareness. Keep being you and never change ♡
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I’m so appreciative of how open you are and all of your instagram posts. I lost our sweet full term boy one day after he was born and it’s a community I never thought I’d seek out but it’s been you and unfortunately others that have experienced child loss that have been more of a help to me than anything else while working through the loss.
I’m not someone who is good at being very open with grief or really any heavy subject but I so appreciate those that are.
It makes my stomach turn that these people could say those things. It’s a blessing they don’t have the experience that you’ve had, this is truly one of those situations where unless you’re in it, you just don’t understand it. You can try but you won’t ever understand it.
All we want is for their memory to stay alive, they were here. Why wouldn’t we want to talk about them ALL the time especially when you’re helping others like me feel so much less alone?
Sometimes the trash really does just take itself out. Thank you for being who you are and for being strong enough to be able to post how you do, those of us like myself are grateful.
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I am so incredibly sorry that women were doing that. Shame on them. I don’t know how ANYONE would even think your situation was for publicity. You are amazing and strong and a constant reminder to me about sleep safety, all because you opened up about your situation. My mother in law lost two children, and I see her sorrow 30 years later. It is an unimaginable pain, and I am amazed at your ability to keep going. Thank you for posting and being vulnerable, even when people are idiots.
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As a bereaved parent thank you. Thank you for saying and writing the things you do. It’s a sort of lifeline for people like me who don’t know how we’ll survive this loss. But I see you doing it. I see your husband doing it and it gives me some hope that I won’t be wandering around lost in this grief for forever.
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As a bereaved parent thank you. Thank you for saying and writing the things you do. It’s a sort of lifeline for people like me who don’t know how we’ll survive this loss. But I see you doing it. I see your husband doing it and it gives me some hope that I won’t be wandering around lost in this grief for forever.
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