The Good, The Bad, The Happy, The Sad

The past week has been an intense inner struggle for me. I fought myself daily to keep my anxiety and ptsd at bay, which has really affected my head space. The idea of ushering in a new year, that one of my children would never live in, was deeply affecting me. A single year has so drastically changed our lives, our beings, and our future. While I am able to recognize the blessings the past year brought us, it does not eclipse the tragedy. I was internalizing this battle recently. Then I stumbled upon this quote just after midnight, while others were still outside celebrating the arrival of the new year. It brought me to tears, as it reminded me to be more gentle with myself, my grieving, and my joy. There was always Rowan. There is now Phoenix, and there is STILL Sloan. These parts of my life do not have to jostle for position within me. My emotions CAN coexist.

One thought on “The Good, The Bad, The Happy, The Sad”

  1. Chills as always. Hang in there Momma. You are absolutely correct; Sloan will ALWAYS be there. It’s no accident that you got pregnant with Phoenix- that was your precious son sending you a beautiful gift telling you he is OK. Xoxo

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