Your words have power. I think we all know this, right? Yet far too many people set aside compassion, respect, and consideration when they express them. I have read my fair share of hateful things since Sloan’s death. It’s unfortunate that people have read Sloan’s story somewhere out there in the world, and sought out my social media just so they could shame me, insult me, or blame me for his death. Everyday there’s someone new leaving a comment somewhere pretending to be a sanctiparent and offering their judgment.
In the beginning, these words stung. They affected me deeply in the fog of the days immediately following Sloan’s death. There were so many kind and supportive sentiments offered up for us, far more than there were negative. But because of that, the negative words affected me. In the two months since my son’s death I have gained strength. When I choose to open up my world for the perspective of others, when I choose to share in spite of those who do not try to understand, when I choose to put our story to use, to give it purpose, and when I choose every day to keep going, I am strengthening.
So I have something to say to these people:
Your words have power.
You’re wasting it. When you choose to say something hateful and judgmental to me, you aren’t wounding me. You aren’t getting your point across. You aren’t showing me what I did wrong. You aren’t making me feel guilty for making a mistake. You aren’t burying me in more grief. You aren’t winning. Instead, you’re giving me, and all others who read your words, an in depth look at who you are. A look at what you do wrong, at what you know nothing about, a look at all the things you aren’t. You are not wise, you are not better, you are not without mistakes. In your haste to try and teach me a lesson about myself, you’ve instead taught all of us about you.
Your hateful words have power. Over you.