Unspent

Grief is unspent love. Love you can no longer give tangibly. Love that’s fallen into the void where they once were. Grief leaves you raw. It forces you to recognize things you never wanted to know. To feel things you didn’t know you could feel.
Some days I have no real words that can properly convey how I’m feeling or dealing with this process. Some days it doesn’t feel like I’m “dealing” with it at all. Some days I’m able to function rather well, I can get things done, interact, enjoy moments. Others- I am frozen in my grief. During those days when I’m barely treading water, I want be able to laugh and feel, to participate in idle chit chat, but I’m only able to focus on the fact that half of me is here, and half of me is gone forever.
One of the first things we discussed during grief and trauma therapy is understanding that child loss is teetering between moving forward, and standing still.

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