Anxious

Other than our grief therapy appointment, our two and a half days in Leavenworth was the first time I’d set foot in public in a month. I have avoided the grocery store, restaurants, parks, anywhere people would bring their babies. I STILL cannot hold in my intense anxiety when I hear sirens from emergency vehicles anywhere. I start to sweat, a lump forms in my throat, my eyes burn, and my knees get weak. I’m afraid to talk to new neighbors. I am afraid of them asking how many children we have or having to explain what happened to us. I’m afraid of being recognized, afraid of being looked at, afraid of someone asking how I’m doing. My current battle with grief is based around tiptoeing and avoidance. I am doing my best to take very small steps towards the starting line before I jump these hurdles. I’ll get there eventually, I know that much. But right now, I’m thankful for delivery services and helpful loved ones.

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