Judge Not

When I shared Sloan’s story it was simply to raise awareness and set some speculation straight. I wanted to spare others this pain by letting them know about crib safety. I understood that my sharing could be misconstrued, but the possibility of saving lives and raising awareness was more important to me than the possibility of negative responses. I had NEVER expected my sons story to be spread around the world. I had no earthly idea that it could make such a difference. I felt that by providing statements to popular publications, the message of Sloan’s life and purpose, and crib safety awareness would reach further and save more lives. Getting my words out and reading the messages of support and love was also therapeutic for me.

The past two days were very rough for me emotionally, visits are slowing down, there are longer and longer periods of time where we are left alone with our thoughts. More and more people started to say hateful, hurtful things. I started getting messages and comments that made me physically sick to read. It is so unfortunate that people think grief should fit their guidelines, that because my child died I cannot talk about him. My sons life mattered. His story matters. What happened to him matters. I know that for every bad comment or message there are 50 loving and supportive ones, but I am only human and my heart is incredibly fragile right now.

 

The ONLY way I can cope with the loss of my sweet baby is to know his life has made a difference. I need to see that his message is helping protect other babies, protecting other families. When you lose a child a piece of you goes too, I will never get that part of myself back. I will never stop aching for him. I am a mess emotionally, the waves of grief hit hard and often. But if I can log onto social media and see the difference he is STILL making, it is a small comfort in a dark time. Our son was loved by many and his death has affected them too. I have seen a lot of comments stating my presence on social media is strange or not right. I understand this confusion because these people do not know my hurt. I hope they never do, because it means they never have to feel what we are feeling. The act of me sharing Sloan’s story bothering them doesn’t matter to me, but it saving the lives of others… DOES. Please remember that everyone grieves differently, everyone has a right to process and express their feelings in the way they need. This is mine.

2 thoughts on “Judge Not

  1. Tonight, I was told by my mother-in-law that my son is 5 months old now and is “okay with a blanket”. She said it in a way that’s “matter-of-fact”, since I am very crazy about blankets when he sleeps because of your story. Thank you, THANK YOU, thank you for sharing. Because of Sloan I deny blankets. I cry and pray for you often after reading your story.

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    1. I am a member of a group of women that is 10k+ strong. When we heard your story for the first time our hearts broke for you. Many of us had children around the same age as Sloan, myself included. Many of us have experienced the loss of a child via miscarriage & other events. Not one of us ever thought “it was her fault”. We all looked at each other and said “that could have been me”. Many of us had blankets in our children’s cribs. One women documented how much her son moved during the night. She never realized or even thought that giving him a blanket once he had learned to roll was ever something to worry about. The first thought that always came to mind was “I want to keep my baby warm & comfortable”. I am so sorry that others choose to be cruel & place blame.

      The tragic accident that your family has gone through has not gone unheard. Because you were willing to share your son’s story, you have saved the lives of many of our children. We want to thank you for that. We also want you to know that we keep you in our thoughts & you have all of our support.

      My son is 1 month younger than Sloan. Every time I hold him, I grieve for you. When I celebrate his milestones, I grieve for you. On the night that I first heard your story, which was about 1 week after Sloan had passed, I held my son when I got home & cried for you. I try not to take any moment that I have with him for granted. You have helped me realize that these moments with him are fleeting & I thank you for that. Saying “I’m sorry for your loss” does not do justice to your grief, nor does it do justice to our grief for you.

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