This morning my first baby woke up a kindergartener. He is ecstatic to start this journey, this milestone is one he is so ready for and I know that is because we gave him that extra year to grow into himself and his experiences emotionally. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t cried a [...]
Boundaries
Something I've had to accept and heal from lately is the realization that some people will never acknowledge the damage of their conduct in regards to you. So I wanted to write about how important it is in these situations, to honor YOURSELF and your needs. You have to be strong enough to know when [...]
International Bereaved Fathers Day
It’s International Bereaved Fathers Day today. I think something that is often forgotten in the world of child loss is that- dads grieve too. My husbands grief isn’t something I’ve spent much of any time talking about publicly because I have tried very hard to respect his emotional autonomy. Justin’s grieving has been a very [...]
The Complexity of a Rainbow
I want to touch more on what it is to bring a “rainbow baby” into the world. It requires you to see past the devastation and wreckage, the triggers, the emptiness, and the bleakness of loss. It requires you to be able to recognize that even in death’s finiteness, something else can be born. And [...]
National Rainbow Baby Day
“You are not a resolution to hard times, nor the means to the end of my grief. You are not here simply for the purpose of making me whole again. Listen to me when I tell you, your purpose is inherently your own and is not tied to repairing me. You were not born with [...]
Six
Today, he is one year older. Six years ago he came into this world having saved both of us from the bleakness of an unpurposed, unfulfilled, painful space we had been spinning through life in. You see, Rowan was a surprise. Had we written our story ourselves, children weren’t in it. That initial panic, that [...]
A Letter To a Past Self
Dear Jordan, This morning, your son died. Right now it feels hopeless. As you hold your lifeless baby in your arms, silently pleading for a miracle that you know won’t come. You’re aching, screaming inside. Every tear that falls on his still face feels like a piece of your soul trying to seep life back [...]
