In Rowan’s Words

In Rowan’s Words

How do you feel about Sloan? I love him, that’s how I feel Do you remember the day he died? Yeah. At our old house. What do you remember most about that day? I was crying. I kissed him goodbye because he loved kisses. What is your favorite memory of Sloan? Playing with him. Loving [...]

Rowan

Rowan

Rowan is our fiercely expressive and empathetic being. He senses any discourse or upset, and he wants to be sure he says what someone needs to hear in those moments. He is a “fixer” by nature, and seems to always know when his sweetness and silliness are needed. His independence amazes me. He occupies himself [...]

Baby Sloan Hugs

Baby Sloan Hugs

When I want to hold his hand this is the only answer. These tiny fingers, pruned up from his lifeless little body being kept cold as long as possible so that they could get the perfect castings. They’re so astonishingly beautiful, and yet such a sobering reminder of what isn’t. At times, looking at them, [...]

In Art & Time

Every night as I lay down, I reach into the drawer in my bedside table and pull out one of the castings of Sloan’s left hand. It’s my favorite one, the one that is formed in the exact way his hand world be if he had it wrapped around my thumb. It rests in the [...]

Seven

Seven

Sweet boy, today has been one I did not want to wake up to. A world in which you’ve now been absent from my arms, just as long as you were cradled in them. Tomorrow, the length of time without you will have surpassed that with you. I’ve repeated these unfair truths in my mind [...]

Halfway There

Halfway There

We had our anatomy scan on Friday morning! Baby P is absolutely wonderful. She is calm, and was so cooperative during the ultrasound. Everything looked great, and she's measuring well. She even looks just like Rowan did! We have officially passed the halfway point of this pregnancy, I cannot believe how quickly it has gone [...]

A Turning Point

A Turning Point

We've been going to grief/trauma therapy 1-2 times monthly since just after Sloan's death. The therapy we receive is specifically for us as a couple. It is at a maternal and fetal medicine practice, so it's specialized for maternal/fetal complications and infant death. It is not a group setting, it's just us, and our therapist. [...]