Winter is hard. For so many people. If you suffer from seasonal depression or anxiety, you have a full understanding of what I’m saying. Add grieving the loss of a child to that and it’s a doozy. Sadness, triggers, and struggle don’t relent just because Christmas lights, magnolia wreaths, meticulously wrapped presents and Pinterest cookies [...]
It’s been rough lately. (I feel like I’m saying that a lot and it’s beginning to lose meaning) Rowan has been having a bit of a round with his grief and it’s thrown all of us. He is feeling the immensity of his loss now, maybe because Phoenix triggers memories or reminds him of the [...]
On December 4th 2016, at 3:00am, my water broke. Sloan Valor DeRosier was born 2 hours and 45 minutes later, only 45 minutes after we were admitted. Eight pounds 11 ounces of absolute joy and relief. He was a gift of life after two losses, the product of countless tests, charts, and fertility meds. 2 [...]
Saying hello to what will be a very emotional month for us. Sloan's 2nd birthday is days away, another Christmas without him lies ahead. December 30th, my 32nd birthday, will also mark the day Phoenix will have officially outlived Sloan. This year has been so difficult for us and such a test of our coping [...]
I cried while I put up our tree this year. Two years ago at this time I was a week away from going into labor with Sloan. The holiday season was so filled with joy and excitement over our new little guy. Now his birthday is “He would be ____ years old this year” and [...]
1 year ago yesterday I posted our announcement of Phoenix. It feels like just yesterday I was terrified of the triggers that would come with a pregnancy after the loss of a child. I had so much anxiousness and worry, even guilt. But then, she was here and she was magic. She has been healing, [...]
On Sunday night, I crumbled. Phoenix was crying for hours, refusing sleep. It’s unusual for her. She’s been the mythical baby who has slept through the night since she was only weeks old. She’s not one to cry like that either. Something in me was triggered and I had a panic attack. I suddenly wasn’t [...]
