For much of my life I have battled anxiety. I was devastatingly shy, mortified of being noticed. I can remember vividly having panic attacks as a child. Laying in my bed at night with my heart racing, crying as I stared at the ceiling and thought about getting through another day. I didn't want to [...]
From Friend to Foe
Recently I've detached myself from some toxic relationships in my life. I had begun to realize these were people who did not serve to bring out the best sides of me, and instead induced a subconscious battle with mental health. I was allowing myself to get too enthralled in the battles and inner conflicts of [...]
Casting A Stone
The other day, bashing took place about me in a group, by women who pretended to be supportive when my son died. I’m sure these women thought it wouldn’t get back to me, but it always does. One comment in particular sticks out to me. That I’m a terrible person, and everything I do is [...]
Knit Together
This sweater was worn once, by her brother before her. When Sloan died, I didn’t want to look at anything of his. It was too painful. They took him from the house, the emergency responders filed out the door and drove away and the room was quiet. Our families sat there in silence for a [...]
Regression + Progression
Recently, I fell off the grief wagon. Nearing the end of my pregnancy I thought I was doing fine, I thought I didn’t need my anxiety medication anymore, and I stopped taking it. I stopped going to therapy, I thought I was okay. I was wrong. I did alright for a while. In those first [...]
Five
I remember before Rowan was born, thinking I’d have these elaborate Pinterest worthy, uniquely themed birthday parties for him. None of those hideous tv or movie character themed birthdays. No, not my child. And here we are, 5 years later, cutting hotdogs into octopuses, blowing up balloons adorned with SpongeBobs face, and eating White Castle [...]
My Child is the Village
Last week, someone said “Not starting your child in kindergarten at 5 is selling them short. It is teaching them that you don’t believe in them.” Listen. Let’s not place all parent/child relationships in a box like this. There’s SO much more to it. For example, I have a wonderful parent-child-friend relationship with my son. [...]
