People think they know how they’d react, what they’d do. You don’t. Grief is experienced differently by everyone. It is managed differently by everyone. I did the dishes when my son died. After we’d held his lifeless body for hours, crying the tears of devastation onto his still face, they gently took him from my [...]
Sticks and Stones
Did you know I have to have a filter set up on my Instagram to keep certain hurtful words and comments from my viewing? That a friend has my login info so that she may sort through my DMs to hopefully keep me from seeing the more negative ones? And still sometimes, I stumble upon [...]
The Salt of the Earth
My parents made the decision 3 decades ago to create life together and they’ve nurtured, loved, and supported those lives unconditionally every day since. Regardless of their own well being, their own struggles, their own traumas, their own wants, desires, and dreams, they have ushered my brother and I through the world and whatever it [...]
The Last Baby
Another thing I’ve struggled with lately is the acknowledgment that Valorie is my last baby. I don’t know if it’s the fact that one of my babies had growing up stolen away from them, or the fact that no matter how many babies I have, one will be missing. But the idea of her being [...]
Wishes
I wish I had taken more photos. Documented his milestones, saved all the measurements and savored each new moment. I wish I had kissed the top of his head more, touched my lips to his hair and breathed in his scent. I wish I’d memorized the feeling of his warm hands in mine, his pulse [...]
Postpartum
We are exhausted over here adjusting to life with three babes, two who are under two. It has been a pretty rough journey. Phoenix has always been a TERRIBLE sleeper, and Valorie only sleeps for 20-30 minutes at a time. Vallie is our fourth baby, the third non-sleeper. We’ve been through this many times and [...]
To the Mother Pregnant After Child Loss
To the Mother Pregnant After Child Loss I too, have carried the weight of pregnancy and motherhood after the loss of one of my children. My own rainbow was placed in my arms, only 11 months after her brother’s life had been taken from us as he slept. She came barreling into our world after [...]
